“War of Terror” ... Not!

By Ambassador Princess Rice

New Washington, D.C. – Critics of the Empire have been making much ado about a minor misstatement by the Emperor in a recent speech, in which he said, “We will bring the war of terror to the darkest corners of the globe.” Anyone with half a brain knows that the Emperor intended to say “war on terror,” not “war of terror,” which makes it sound as if the Empire is inflicting terror on others.

I just don’t understand what all the fuss is about. It reminds me of a few years ago when those same critics were making a big fuss about the Emperor’s innocuous use of the word “crusade” in a speech. Big deal. Only the handful of individuals throughout the world who practice the Islamic religion could possibly have been offended by that word, which I reiterate, was used as benignly as, say, the word “mission.”

One gets the impression that critics are so desperate to impugn the integrity of this glorious Empire and Emperor that they hang on his every word, seeking to infer sinister intentions behind his innocent mistakes. Frankly, words are not all that important. Deeds are. And our deeds clearly demonstrate our benevolent intentions.

I have some advice for the critics of the Empire, and the rest of the world: It’s time to move on. We are willing to work with the other countries of the world, on our terms, of course, but we’re here to stay.

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