Imperial Energy To Reduce Utility Rates

New Dallas, TX - Months before turning over the helm of The Homeland Imperial Energy Foundation (THIEF) to Prince Osama bin Laden, former chief Prince Lay laid the foundation for reducing utility rates paid by citizens. As Prince Lay stated several months ago, “Citizens of this great Empire should not have to pay more than 50% of their income for utilities. That is a crime. Before I leave this company, I promise to reduce utility rates to that more reasonable level.” And so he did. Although strapped for cash, THIEF successfully used a variety of established smoke and mirror techniques to create the appearance of reduced rates for consumers. Prince Lay did not leave THIEF empty handed, either. Thanks to his remarkable accomplishment of reducing consumer utility rates, he was handsomely rewarded with a new villa in the country.

The Spending Committee And Monetary Services (SCAMS) department has publicly stated that it will make every effort to avoid raising income taxes in order to pay for the reduction in utility rates, however, it has made no guarantees. After all, the sting of the failed promise of “No new taxes” still burns strongly in the collective mind of the Imperial Administration.

In the meantime, citizens will enjoy paying no more than 50% of their income for utilities.

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