Tasers To Be Phased Out

New Miami, FL – Bowing to pressure from illegal extremist citizen groups, the Emperor has ordered an end to the use of tasers for compliance enforcement. From now on, unresty extremist citizens will subdued with a novel device known as the phaser, based on the fictitious device depicted in the subversive television show, Star Trek.

Dr. Mangele, head of Legal Imperial Eminence (LIE; formerly the Imperial Department of Justice), reports that the switch from tasers to phasers will quell citizen consternation over the use of unnecessary force to subdue recalcitrant and disrespectful individuals. More importantly, he observes, it will save the Empire enormous amounts of money in incarceration, medical treatment and burial costs.

The new phasers are distinguished by the brilliant blue hue that emanates from the bodies of extremists as they are being subdued into oblivion with this ingenious device. Dr. Mangele has assured this journalist that there is utterly no possibility of future extremist activity from someone so subdued.

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