Semantics Sham-Antics

By Mr. Clinton

New Washington, D.C. - Too many critics these days obsess over the semantics of the Emperor’s words. Obsessing over the meaning of trivial words, such as “is,” is demeaning to the Emperor and a threat to the security of the Empire.

An Emperor has to deal with far loftier concepts than the mere meaning of words. Words, after all, should serve the Empire, not the other way around. If one word proves inconvenient, then we have a moral obligation to use the word with the opposite meaning.

For example, stating that the Empire is losing the War of Terror is obviously treasonous. So one is morally obligated to say that the Empire is winning the War of Terror. The same rules apply to every realm affecting the Empire: economics, labor, civil rights, the environment, and security.

On those rare occasions when a positive sounding word is appropriate, it’s acceptable to use it. However, using a positive sounding word to mean something positive underscores the problem with relying on semantics. If you use a positive sounding word to describe something that is negative and something else that is positive, it results in confusion. One of the unfortunate facts of the English language is its lack of enough positive sounding words to describe nuanced concepts. (As I write this, the Empire is engaged in a project to purge the English language of some of its excess of negative sounding words and replace them with positive sounding words.)

Thus, semantics should be thrown out the window entirely and words should be selected strictly on the basis of how graceful they sound in the political context in which they’re used. The phrase, “Unemployment figures rise” simply sounds ugly. Rephrasing it as “Unemployment figures fall” sounds so much more elegant. The actual meaning, or semantics, of the sentence is irrelevant. What’s important is the image it presents.

Besides, political leaders are creative, just like painters, sculptors, and writers of fiction, and should therefore be accorded poetic license with the language.

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