New Seattle, WA - As many as 5,000 beloved citizens of the Empire may have died in Washington near Mount Bush 14 (formerly known as Mount Ranier) when a massive mudslide tore through a series of small towns following a torrential downpour.
Official Imperial Spiritual Advisor, Rev. Robertson, reassured the frightened citizens that this was indeed an act of God and not the result of recently completed clear-cutting of the mountain's forests by the Exxon-Mobil-Chevron-Texaco-ARCO Environmental Defense Foundation in order to reduce the risk of forest fires. Imperial Broadcasting Corporation’s widely trusted anchorman, Mr. Rather, echoed this view, waving freshly manufactured supporting documents to back it up during his nightly broadcast.
In order to save money, the Imperial Administration, with the blessing of Rev. Robertson, has decided not to tamper with the bodies buried by the mudslide. After all, since the mudslide was an act of God, the burial of the poor citizens is implicitly sanctioned by God.
The Imperial Administration is still undecided about whether to provide temporary housing for the 100,000 citizens made homeless by the disaster. Approximately 20,000 inflatable nylon homes would be required to house that many citizens. That number of inflatable homes might be better utilized by Imperial Troopers in Iraq.
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