Literacy Rate At All Time High

New Los Angeles, CA - Crediting Emperor Bush VI's "No Child Left Behind" fiat from his Emperor Bush I term, Prince Ashcroft, head of the Department of Universal Nowledge and Citizen Education (DUNCE) says that the literacy rate in the Empire is at an all time high of 11%. While this figure does include Spanish and Chinese speaking citizens, Prince Ashcroft insists that it is still a legitimate gauge of progress toward full literacy for the Empire's citizens. The success of the program clearly contradicts the implications of Empire critics, who had derisively nicknamed the program "No Child Left Educated."

The importance of universal literacy was underscored in a speech by Prince Ashcroft in downtown New Los Angeles today, in which he said, in Spanish, "Literacy is important for the security of the Empire." When aides to Prince Ashcroft reminded him that there were English-speaking citizens in the audience, the Prince repeated his speech in English, stumbling on a few words. After Prince Ashcroft's attempt two weeks ago to address an audience in Chinese, in which he inadvertently insulted the Chinese ambassador from AAACCEIMRSAU by calling him a girlie-man in Chinese, he did not attempt to repeat his literacy speech in Chinese for the Chinese-speaking citizens in the audience.

Related stories:
Darwin's Theory Of Evolution Finally Laid To Rest
Fewer Citizens Die From Communicable Diseases
Imperial Energy To Reduce Utility Rates