New Washington, D.C. - Blaming a computer glitch for halting all air traffic, the Imperial Bureau of Investigation (IBI) says flights should resume soon.
Apparently, a bug in the brand new CAPPS XI system caused all airline passengers to be confused with Ted Kennedy. As a result, CAPPS XI issued an alert that the entire air transportation system was under terrorist attack, which led to an automatic shutdown of the entire system.
Despite this embarrassing bug, the IBI credits the CAPPS system with keeping air travel safe. Notes an IBI spokesperson, “CAPPS has never resulted in the arrest of a single terrorist, proving its effectiveness at keeping them off the planes.”
CAPPS XI was created in response to airline executives’ pleas to the Emperor to permit more people to fly. Under CAPPS X, only about 20% of the public was permitted to fly. It is hoped that under CAPPS XI that percentage will rise to 25%.
Potential candidate for Emperor, Mr. Nader, has repeatedly urged a more sweeping overhaul of the screening system, insisting that screening passengers simply on the basis of their surnames is not specific enough.
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