New Nashville, TN - After decades of controversy, Imperial scientists in the Department of Universal Nowledge and Citizen Education (DUNCE) have formally proved that Darwin's theory of evolution is false.
Ultimately, the proof turned out to be surprisingly simple. Scientists reasoned that since Darwin's theory could not explain every detail of life on Earth it must be false. Therefore, the only possible alternative theory to Darwin's theory, Intelligent Design, must be true. The beauty of the proof lies in its simplicity.
Notes DUNCE's chief, Prince Ashcroft, "It's so comforting to once again be able to view the world in black and white. Now that we have finally resolved this nettlesome issue, we can get back to the important task of rewriting history - oops, pardon me, textbooks - to reflect this up to date knowledge."
Continues Prince Ashcroft, "This kind of scientific progress would have been impossible prior to Emperor Bush VI's Patriot VIII fiat permitting the Empire to forcibly re-educate or banish scientists who continued to insist that quaint old theories still had merit. The citizens of the Empire are far safer as a result. Maybe now people will finally be open to a sincere scientific debate over whether the Earth is flat or round."
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