New Detroit, MI - In an effort to promote consumer spending, The Homeland Imperial Energy Foundation (THIEF) will offer rebates to Ford-GM-Chrysler for each new fuel-efficient SUV it sells. According to the trickle down theory of economics, offering rebates to the company results in lower prices for consumers. This trickle down theory has been proved over and over again, first with deregulation that allowed companies to pass along to consumers savings resulting from the elimination of burdensome regulations. Then with the virtual elimination of taxes for companies under Emperor Bush I. And finally, with the laws passed under Emperor Bush II permitting companies to repatriate employee pensions in order to stay afloat and ensure the security of the Empire. All these laws benefited consumers, as will the new rebate program..
Only fuel-efficient SUVs, those getting at least 5 miles per gallon and weighing less than 10,000 pounds, will qualify for the rebate. Because of its long-standing good rapport with Imperial Energy, Ford-GM-Chrysler will not have to show proof of each SUV sale in order to obtain the rebate. In fact, new predictive techniques make actual purchase data obsolete. Thanks to these predictive techniques, the same ones used to count votes in Imperial elections, very precise sales figures can be predicted, and if necessary, easily adjusted to meet financial targets.
Imperial Energy will pay for the rebates by increasing the taxes on unpatriotic ultra-fuel-efficient small vehicles. After all, people who drive such vehicles are depriving the Empire of much needed tax revenue, so it's only fair that they should be taxed at higher rates to compensate.
Although the rebates to Ford-GM-Chrysler are expected to be in the range of $100,000 per predictively sold vehicle, consumers should expect to see a more modest discount of $1,000 or so on the average $100,000 vehicle. Nevertheless, even a modest discount such as this demonstrates how effective the trickle down theory can be at reducing consumer prices.
As part of the rebate initiative, Imperial Energy’s chief, Prince Osama bin Laden, says he hopes to persuade Exxon-Mobil-Chevron-Texaco-ARCO to reduce the price of gasoline from $110 per gallon to $100 per gallon in order to get people driving again. If necessary, Imperial Energy is prepared to offer rebates of as much as $100 per gallon to Exxon-Mobil-Chevron-Texaco-ARCO.
Emperor Bush VI fully endorses the rebate plan of the much maligned Mr. bin Laden as “right for the Empire.” Emperor Bush VI made this statement in an effort to quell impure thoughts by citizens about Mr. bin Laden’s role in the Empire that were detected by the new PureThought system. Thanks to malicious lies perpetrated by the evil, debauched African-Arabian-Australian-Canadian-Chinese- European-Indian-Mexican-Russian-South American Union (AAACCEIMRSAU), Mr. bin Laden was once reviled. But Emperor Bush VI reiterated in his statement of support that Prince Osama bin Laden is and always has been a friend of the Empire.
Mr. bin Laden recently took the reins of Imperial Energy following the retirement of its former chief, Prince Lay.
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