New Boise, ID - As part of Emperor Bush VI’s “Intelligent Resource Extraction” initiative to improve resource utilization within the Empire and provide for the security of the Empire by reducing its dependence on external resources, the Department of Imperial Resource Technology (DIRT; formerly the Imperial Environmental Protection Agency) is giving 10,000,000 acres of land to a well known private environmental organization.
The Exxon-Mobil-Chevron-Texaco-ARCO Environmental Defense Foundation will own the lands and preserve them for the benefit of future generations. People should not assume that because of one little mishap, the massive mudslide near New Seattle, that EMCTAEDF cannot safely manage these new lands.
According to Prince Osama bin Laden, chief of EMCTAEDF’s parent company, Exxon-Mobil-Chevron-Texaco-ARCO, “Managing these lands is a sacred trust. We promise to balance the interests of the public with the needs of the shareholders.”
EMCTAEDF will primarily focus on intelligent extraction of oil, natural gas, and lumber. The term “Intelligent Resource Extraction” is simply a new name for the practice once called “Sustainable Resource Management.” The name was changed because the word “sustainable” was inconsistent with the profitability of the Empire’s business community.
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